Ok, I'll admit it right here and now;
I'm an insanely curious person with a highly addictive personality, and have a voracious appetite
to go with it....
The first time I heard "Cocaine Blues" I was on my way to the courthouse to 'face the music'....
It's a true story and a big part of why I really hope that this record's not a big hit;
I don't really want just everybody knowing what all I've put myself and loved ones through.
If I could have my way only those of us that may in some way be blessed or encouraged or inspired
to see that there are more agreeable ways to look at and deal with things ever know about any of this...
On the other hand- most everybody I've ever met has some kind of 'cocaine' to deal with-
and the people that say they don't are probably in worse shape than some of the rest of us.
It hasn't always been rocks and piles of white powder for me either...
At times it's money, money, money, money,
musical instruments, guns, Rolex watches, railroad watches, food, alcohol, pills, girls, repressive
misguided religious thought, career, ideas-ANYTHING that makes me selfish and self-serving...
Anything that makes me put me and my ego and what I want over why I'm really
here and before the creatures I'm blest to share in this wondrous creation with...
Some years ago I had a neighbor that was a big strong man....I went to visit he
and his wife one night and he was wallowing around on the floor crying like a baby; he had rectal fissures.
I remember well going home that night thinking 'wow- I can't believe a big stout guy like him 'carrying on'
over something like that'. A few years later I got hold of some bad whiskey.
It abscessed my tonsils and gums, gave me a kidney and bladder infection, and I didn't eat for
several days- which meant I didn't go to the bathroom for days either. When I finally did- you guessed it-
I wound up with a rectal fissure. I've had back operations and and kidney stones and
been in some other pretty rough scrapes- but I have NEVER to this day experienced pain like I went through
with the fissures and the ensuing test and operation...Sitting in the bathtub taking a Epsom Salts bath
after the surgery it came to me; ah hah!! so this is what my neighbor was going through...
Sure enough, I made the same mistake with cocaine...
I remember when a friend of mine got in trouble
with some coke a few years ago I said I just didn't get how anybody could get hung up on
something like cocaine- it seemed so foolish and downright stupid;
Why would anybody spend money on some crap like that??? Since my experience with it began,
I've had other people express the very same sentiments to me as well...
In my case, mixing loneliness, frustration, anger, fear, sadness and worries with a little money,
alcohol, and a beautiful girl saying 'let's get some of THIS and we'll have a great time!!' was all it took...
At first, like any other addiction-I just did a little once in while...then I started associating
with people that had access to it, and not so much with my other friends.
I started choosing the party where the coke would be...from the time I left the house to go on the road
I was thinking about when I'd get home and what kind of arrangements I could make to
insure that I would have some drugs waiting for me when I got home...
Something that started out being a recreational party thing soon became just about all I thought about...
The thing I'm beginning to learn about me is that this body I'm walking around in is a bottomless pit;
There's no way under the sun to satisfy it....I can be eating' the best food in the world and be thinking
about where and what I'm going to eat next. No matter how good or wild or fun things were last night-
I'm looking for something else to entertain me, amuse me, placate me, or excite me..
No matter how much money I've got- I want more. No matter how many guitars I have I want more. No
matter what we did last night, I want more. MY DRUG OF CHOICE IS MORE- MORE -MORE!!!!
Of course the reason for all this is simple; it's always stemmed from either an ignorance of purpose or
the ignoring of purpose ....I'm beginning to see that for me at least the reason why I'm here is NOT
to serve and try to satisfy this body I'm walking around in and be lead about by some devious egos,
but to make my body do what I want it to do..... At times I mess around and let the thing
that's supposed to be serving me become my master- a most dissatisfactory,
frustrating, fruitless approach to life indeed.
I'm so very grateful for the very best friends a person could ever have that have never given up on me,
for positive resources, for second, third and fifty chances, and for the old 'drop back and punt' play...
Of course it's easier to stay out some spots than it it to get out of them.
Cocaine falls into the category of things easier to stay away from than to get away from for sure.
The last thing I want to do is get up on a soapbox and pontificate and spout off a bunch of stuff
I think I know about addictions and how a person ought to free themselves from them...but if you happen
to be facing a condition similar to this, I sure would like to be an encouragement in some way..
First of all- Please don't be too hard on yourself,. and don't give to much space in your life to anybody
else that wants to be hard on you about it either...There's a reason we go through these things
I believe; If nothing else maybe we go through things like this so we can experience the joy that
comes through overcoming... If it never got dark could we really appreciate The Light??
If we never got sick- could we really appreciate good health?
Its been said that 'the past can be a hitching post or a guide post,
a stumbling block or a stepping stone.' The wonderful thing about it is
that as long as we can think and breath- we can
choose how we're going to be effected by the past.
I'd encourage you to make the past
and all it took to get you HERE NOW work FOR you, not against you..
Secondly- remember why we're here. Surround yourself with good resources-
NATURE, illuminating books, uplifting movies, and people that inspire, nurture, encourage and
challenge you in a positive constructive way.
Thirdly- remember to be thankful for everything-even things that are troubling and trying;
it's dang near impossible to be thankful and unhappy at the same time...
If I spent enough time being grateful for all the things I have to be grateful for-
I wouldn't have time to complain about a thing...
Fourthly- reach out to someone else in need. When all we're wrapped up in is ourselves-
we make very small packages...
Seems the more we dedicate our time to helping and serving other people,
the less time we have to be focused on ourselves and what we think we want...
The more our thoughts are directed at 'giving' the less
time we have to think about our 'wanting'...which means we don't have as
much time for addictive behavior.
Fifthly- "Keep on the Sunny Side"
Helen Keller was afflicted way beyond what most of us could ever imagine..Misunderstood,
misdiagnosed, mistreated, and yet she found a way to be a light, an encouragement and an inspiration....
One of the best things I've ever read, something that has stuck with me for years now -is something
Miss Keller wrote in her book
"My Life". She says "When you look to The Light, the shadows fall behind you"...
Sixthly-DON'T GIVE UP!!! the same earth that we fall down on is the one we pick ourselves
up by...as long as we're breathing and thinking there's hope and opportunity....resist the temptation
to be defined by past mistakes and illusionary failures. No matter how bad or how hard it seems
there is a way around it or over it -and we CAN find it...
Seventhly- Make time to get some Rest!!! even God rested on the seventh day,
and even if you don't believe that-it's a known fact we are going to rest one way or the other....
Sometimes we choose to rest and enjoy it, and sometimes we're forced to rest and don't even remember
it. If you're like me it's a lot more pleasurable and agreeable to choose rest,
embrace it as a favorite loved one, and enjoy it.
I'm not professing for one minute to have it all figured out
and conquered or to have any profound insights into this
condition-but I do have some experience with it, so.....
If you're still with me and possibly relating to some of this in some way and it seems
I can in any way be a support for you or just someone to relate to - I sure would appreciate knowing
about it.....PLEASE don't hesitate to drop me an line at
